♪ i'm loosened up but it's too late to turn it around ♪ ♪ i'm dropping bolts on the ground and i'm coming unwound ♪ ♪ don't you miss the good old days when i let you misbehave ♪ ♪ why you looking down like that i know that you're dying to come back ♪ ♪ please come on back ♪ well it ain't easy to stay in love when you're telling lies ♪ ♪ so i'll just have to take a bow

and say good-bye ♪ ♪ ooooh ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: norah jones. nice job. thank you so much. >> thanks. >> jay: that was terrific. i want to thank my guests -- michelle obama, of course, gabby douglas, norah jones. tomorrow night, kelsey grammer and olympic gold medalist jordan burroughs will join us as well. jimmy fallon's happening right now. jimmy, take it. [ cheers and applause ]

♪ >> announcer: promotional consideration furnished by air new zealand. celebrating 30 years of flying between los angeles and london. ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. i love y'all. thank you. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. what a great crowd already. wow, i'm lovin' it. we're gonna have fun tonight. [ cheers and applause ] welcome, you guys. welcome to the show. here -- here's what people are talking about today. 7-eleven is hoping to predict this year's election by asking customers to buy blue coffee cups if they support obama, and red cups if they support romney. both of which will contain coffee that was brewed during the reagan administration. [ laughter ] guaranteed. more political news. i read that mitt romney asked to see ten years worth of paul ryan's tax returns before announcing him as a running mate. yeah. and as soon as ryan said, "no," romney was like, "i found my man." [ laughter ] "bro hug? let's do it!" [ applause ] speaking of romney, a new poll found that most americans think president obama will beat mitt romney in the debates.

in response, romney said, "yeah? well -- i'll think of something later." [ laughter ] "i'll get you later. i'll -- i'm -- i'm gonna see you later." [ laughter and applause ] "and then --" in more campaign news, yesterday in nevada, president obama said he'll win the election if the turnout is anything like it was in 2008. while voters said he'd win if he were anything like he was in 2008. [ laughter ] very interesting that the voters said that right back to him. >> steve: back at him. all of them? in unison? >> jimmy: at the same time. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: it was like polyphonic spree. they were all wearing snuggies. [ laughter ] this isn't good, you guys. a lot of people are complaining that the new iphone 5 is taller than the last model, which means they have to buy a new case. [ audience ohs ] in response, apple issued an official statement saying, [ ominously ] "exactly."

[ laughter ] "that's how we make money, y'all! how about a bro hug? come on, dude!" [ applause ] >> steve: "y'all." >> jimmy: you guys, get this. there's a new weight loss center in massachusetts designed for obese cats. [ laughter ] yeah. apparently, it's really working. check out a picture of one of their patients. look at this. [ laughter ] yeah, it looks fantastic. >> steve: he looks great. i bet he -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he eats veggie lasagna. >> steve: yeah -- >> jimmy: and now he likes mondays. >> steve: he loves mondays. >> jimmy: he loves 'em now! >> steve: yeah. because he couldn't exercise. fantastic. >> jimmy: hey, you guys, today is national fortune cookie day. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. yeah. i was gonna celebrate, but only the proud man makes a spectacle of that which is best left unspoken. [ laughter ] >> steve: in bed.

>> jimmy: "in bed." very nice, thank you, higgins. [ laughter ] [ applause ] here's a crazy story, you guys. this week, a man in missouri reeled in a live grenade when he went fishing. or as one fish put it, "that's for my brother." [ laughter and applause ] and finally, in a new interview, justin bieber's mom said she almost named her son jesse. though now she wished she'd gone with the more appropriate name, "ca-ching." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you guys are fun. welcome to the show, everybody. so i had a really exciting night last night. i started a production company a while back with one of the writers from our show. a very talented writer. and we produced a show called

"guys with kids." and it's a family sitcom about guys with kids. yeah, yeah. it's a very -- [ light laughter ] but it's a cute, fun show with a live audience like the shows i grew up with, like "family ties," "cosby show." anyway, we're really proud of it. so it aired last night at 10:00 p.m. after "america's got talent." not normally the spot for a sitcom, 10:00 at night. but we did well. so, thank you to all of you who watched it and thank you for tweeting and all that stuff. i just want to let you guys know that it's going to re-air -- if 10:00 is too late for you -- then you shouldn't even be watching this show. [ laughter ] that makes no sense. but it's going to air again. >> steve: this might be tivo -- we might be -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, we might be tivoing myself. yeah, exactly. yeah. it's going to air again friday at 8:00. it's called "guys with kids." watch it with your family. i hope you enjoy it and listen for me when you hear the theme song. >> steve: ooh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's all i'm gonna say. it's really -- i'm so excited about it. we have a fantastic show tonight. she starred in the giant

"harry potter" movies. now she's got a cool, new film coming out. emma watson is here! [ cheers and applause ] she's beautiful. she's talented. emma where? emma who? emma wat -- son! also on the show -- what a career this guy's had. he's an actor, he's a singer, a musician. now he's an author. one of my all-time favorites. he has a new book out. tony danza is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] [ as tony danza ] "hey, yo. yo, eh." i used to do an impression of tony danza. >> steve: let's hear it. >> jimmy: i used to do an impression of tony danza from "who's the boss?" he goes -- he kinda had the same -- when he was sayin' everyone's name. he'd go -- [ as tony danza ] "angela! [ laughter ] jonathan! [ laughter ] mona! [ laughter ] samantha!" [ laughter ] >> steve: that's very good. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he's my all-time favorite guy. all-time favorite. he's good at everything he does. >> steve: nice fella. >> jimmy: and this guy just kicked off the second season of his show, "symon's suppers," on the cooking channel.

tonight, we're cookin' with chef michael symon. [ cheers and applause ] and i cannot wait. hey guys, it's time for "late night hashtags." here we go! ♪ hashtags hashtags hashtags hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: these are lists on twitter where we give you the topic and you send in the tweets. so, i went on twitter and started a hashtag called "that's my roommate." and i asked you guys at home to tweet out something funny or weird that your roommate does or used to do. we got thousands of tweets. in fact, in less than 20 minutes, it was a trending topic in the united states, which is awesome. so, thank you for those tweets. now, i thought i'd share some of my favorite "that's my roommate" tweets from you guys. here we go. this first one is from @googirl88. she says, "my roommate used to put her initials on each individual egg in the refrigerator." [ laughter ] "don't eat them, okay?" [ laughter ] "they're mine." [ laughter ]

this one's from -- "raw eggs? ew!" [ laughter ] this one is from -- emma, what? this one's from @builtdfordtough. [ light laughter ] no one's gonna take that name. yeah, he's got it. yeah. >> steve: builtdfordtough? >> jimmy: he says, "my male roommate in college shaved his legs because they made his bed sheets feel softer." [ laughter ] i guess so. >> steve: no, yeah, that's why he did it. sure. that's what he told you. and his mom. >> jimmy: he also put on a wig and lipstick. [ laughter ] for his sheets. yeah. >> steve: "i'm just going out to the bars." >> jimmy: this one's from @joshfowler2. he says, "two days ago, i received a text from my roommate saying, 'when you walk into the room, don't freak out. i've got it under control.'" >> steve: oh. [ laughter ] what does that mean? >> jimmy: "when you walk in the room, don't freak out. i've got it under control." >> steve: that's the worst. >> jimmy: that is the worst text ever. "what?!" >> steve: "it's a big fire." >> jimmy: this one's from

@carolyncaroline. she says, "my roommates used to order cheese pizza with extra cheese and no sauce, then eat the cheese and leave the bread. she basically just ordered cheese." [ laughter ] "can i get a large cheese?" >> steve: "no sauce." >> jimmy: "extra cheese." >> steve: "are you sure you don't want to just get a toaster oven?" "no." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: c'est si bon. this one's from @lilconquerer. she says, "she made me a mixtape called 'sorry i barfed on your comforter.'" [ laughter ] it was a good mixtape, though. >> steve: it was a great tape. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: fantastic tape. >> jimmy: "sorry i barfed on your comforter." >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: not a duvet. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: this one's from @ashbrauer. she says, "my roommate dropped her wine glass in the shower, then asked me to dress her in something cute in case the paramedics are hot." [ laughter ] why was she drinking wine in the shower? she's auditioning for the fourth hour of the "today" show. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: it's very exciting. >> steve: was it hoda? >> jimmy: i hope she gets it. i have no idea.

>> steve: oh, my god. a wine glass in the shower. you can't stop drinking long enough to bathe. >> jimmy: she has a problem, okay? >> steve: at least i understand -- >> jimmy: [ slurring words ] "put me in something sexy." [ laughter ] >> steve: i understand a bath. you're laying there. you put a wine glass on the bath -- >> jimmy: next one is from @erin1237. she says, "she left weird notes all over the apartment. i found one in the fridge that said, 'i came, i saw, i ate the rest of your chicken.'" [ laughter ] >> steve: no. come on. come on. >> jimmy: at least she admitted it. >> steve: yeah. veni, vidi, chicki. >> jimmy: -- ate the rest of your chicken. >> steve: thank you. >> jimmy: this one's from @gloryland89. he says, "my roommate boils water he plans on drinking to neutralize chemicals the government uses to spread obesity." [ laughter ] o -- kay. sure. absolutely. amen. >> steve: well, good for you! >> jimmy: well, good for you! i am requesting a different

roommate please and -- >> steve: and i'm just gonna leave my things here. >> jimmy: yeah. this last one is from @jcmusic. he says, "i saw my roommate in an awesome pair of boxers. i said, 'i have the same ones.' he said, 'i know, they're yours.'" [ laughter ] there you have it. [ cheers and applause ] those are tonight's "late night hashtags." to check out more of my favorites, go to latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/ hashtags. stick around. we'll be right back with "head swap"! it's coming back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] what happens when a beer tastes

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. welcome back. you won't even guess what we're about to do next. [ laughter ] we are about to do one of our favorite segments on the show. it's time to find out what happens when you take the head of one celebrity and then put it

on the body of another celebrity. it's time for "head swap." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ talkin''bout a head swap talkin''bout a head swap first you take a head then you put it on another body ♪ ♪ like if hugh jackman's head was on taylor swift's body that's a head swap ♪ ♪ first you get two pictures of some famous people then you scan the photos into your computer ♪ ♪ and you drag the files to a shared server then you walk over to the graphics department ♪ ♪ so you can show 'em where you put the files but the graphics guy tells you, "no can do" ♪ ♪ 'cause his mom's in town and he promised he'd see her so there's just no way he's gonna have time to do ♪ ♪ this head swap ♪ then just like that he said he's got an idea maybe you should go to her hotel ♪ ♪ and keep her occupied while i do this hilarious bit where we take a celebrity's head and put it on another ♪ ♪ body you say that's great i'd love to meet your mom and the graphics guy's ♪ ♪ like she can't wait to meet you either" ♪ and he gives you money for some flowers and wine so you can entertain

her while he's working on ♪ ♪ this head swap ♪ so you get to the hotel and knock on the door and the graphics guy's mom says she likes what ♪ ♪ she sees and immediately throws you on top of the bed now this is awkward ♪ ♪ and you try to break the ice so what was your son like growing up ♪ ♪ was he always into the graphics and she's like shut up take off your pants ♪ ♪ so you say hold that thought i gotta make a call you dial up the number of the graphics guy ♪ ♪ and you're like hey man your mom's kind of frisky actually that's not my mom she's a client of my new ♪ ♪ male escort service i'll be there in a second just do what she wants ♪ ♪ 'cause if you don't i'll delete all the work i did on head swap ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ so you ask the nice lady what she's into and she pulls out a copy of fifty shades of grey ♪ ♪ we're about to do everything i learned in this book ♪ ♪ and that's when she busts out a cat o' nine tails ♪ [ rhythmic whooshing ] ♪ then she says it's nipple clamp time and that sounds almost

as painful as never ♪ ♪ seeing celebrity heads on other celebrity bodies then the graphics guys busts into the room ♪ ♪ hour's up. where's my money ho and you're like check yoself fool ♪ ♪ i ain't got no cash bitch don't be holdin' out on me ♪ [ rhythmic slapping ] ♪ all of a sudden there's two dudes at the door we got a 4:00 appointment with gigolo jimmy ♪ ♪ and here's our coupon for the two-on-one special make it three-on-one but i won't pay extra ♪ ♪ and that's when you're like aw hell no what kind of beefcake do you think i am ♪ ♪ i'm sorry man this has gone too far i guess i just got too caught up in the game ♪ ♪ it's hard out here for a pimp if it's any consolation you're my most in-demand ♪ ♪ hooker ♪ get outta town i bet it's my new haircut so are we gonna knock the boots or what ♪ ♪ you're a lovely woman and deserve all the sex but you have to buy the meat before you taste the chicken ♪ ♪ the important thing now is that we do head swap did you say head swap i love that bit ♪ ♪ in many ways that sketch is better than sex ♪

[ purrs ] ♪ on that note, i think it's just about time that we go back to the office and finish up this bit ♪ ♪ putting hugh jackman's head on taylor swift's body it's a head swap ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ head swap ♪ head swap ♪ head swap >> jimmy: there you go. thank you to the lovely ellen barkin for helping us out with that. she is the greatest. you can check her out on "the new normal," airing tuesday nights at 9:30 right here on nbc. stick around. we'll be right back with emma watson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so, we all set? i've got two tickets to paradise! pack your bags, we'll leave tonight. uhh, it's next month, actually... eddie continues singing: to tickets to... paradiiiiiise! no four. remember? whoooa whooaa whooo! you know ronny, folks who save hundreds of dollars

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a sweet, sweet girl. she starred in the biggest movie franchise of all time, "harry potter." her newest film, "the perks of being a wildflower" -- can't wait to see this.

it's opening in new york and l.a. on september 21st. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the lovely, the beautiful emma watson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: emma? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you look gorgeous. do you watch a lot of late night television? [ laughter ] welcome to our show. hey. hey, hey. i have a question for you. i really do. >> okay, really? for real? >> jimmy: yeah, are you shooting a movie with russell crowe, right? >> i am indeed. >> jimmy: is it -- where is it again? >> we are shooting in iceland in reykjavik. >> jimmy: yeah, and i just heard that he got, like -- is he crazy or something? he's nuts. [ laughter ] he got, like, pulled out of the ocean or something with -- >> he -- yes. that was -- he was -- yes. he had to call emergency services. he needed to get rescued off of a kayak. but this came -- this came as no surprise to me because, like,

russell bikes to set. he, like, walks six miles to set. >> jimmy: yeah. he's an adventurous guy. >> if he, like, catapulted on set in a jet pack, i probably wouldn't blink. i'd be, like -- >> jimmy: yup, that's how russell gets to work. >> i -- >> jimmy: yeah, he parachutes in. >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: you're making headlines -- more headlines recently. i read that you were the most dangerous person on the internet. >> i'm dangerous. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, come on. no, they're saying because people use your face and name to try to trick people into, like, giving their address and e-mails and social security numbers and stuff. >> yeah, well, my brother was, like, "yeah, you're about as dangerous as a fluffy bunny rabbit." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, really. i mean, you don't come across as really dangerous to me, yeah. >> so, actually this was -- this was a pr stunt of mine -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- to try and kind of edgy myself -- >> jimmy: yeah, totally. >> -- up a little. >> jimmy: i mean, just look -- look in that camera right there and just make a dangerous face. this is it. look at how dangerous. [ laughter ] i mean, that's dangerous. look at how -- i'm excited about your new movie. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's "the perks of being a wallflower." >> yes. >> jimmy: it's set in 1991 -- >> yeah.

>> jimmy: --which is --i graduated in '92. you were born in 1990. >> 1990. and my brother's born in '92. >> jimmy: oh, is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's when i graduated high school. so, it's about high school kids and lot of good music in this. >> yeah, the soundtrack is awesome, i have to say. it -- >> jimmy: like, who's on there? >> so, you have, like, a ton of -- the smiths. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i got really into the cocteau twins. >> jimmy: yeah, you told me about this song called something drops -- >> "pearly dewdrops drops." >> jimmy: "pearly dewdrops drops." anyone ever heard this song? [ scattered applause ] oh, really? i never heard of this song 'cause it's fantastic. of course kirk knows it. it is such a good song. but i listened to it on youtube, and i was, like, "i love this." >> it's amazing. well, it's sam's favorite song in the move and in the book. and then it became my favorite song throughout the shoot, which was very appropriate. but the coolest thing was that steve gave me my first vinyl. steve, who's the director, gave me morrissey. and i've been collecting vinyl ever since. >> jimmy: that's right. 'cause you grew up in a generation where there is no such thing. >> yeah, and i -- [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: where it's like -- it's like santa claus. i mean --i have never met him, but i know he exists. >> exactly. and i find -- >> jimmy: isn't it fun? >> it's so fun. and so much less stressful than an ipod. 'cause you're not, like, stressing about, like, shuffling or selecting songs or, like -- >> jimmy: yeah, if you a bad song -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: if you have a bad song in the mix, it's like -- >> so, so embarrassing. >> jimmy: it's pretty embarrassing. [ light laughter ] yeah. >> you know, you don't want to know that you have, like, justin bieber on your playlist, play it like 25 times or something. >> jimmy: yeah, they do tell you how many times you listen to it, yeah. for me, it's barbra streisand. [ laughter ] and they go, "yeah, you listen to too much barbra." now, you shot this in pittsburgh. >> yes. >> jimmy: which i love pittsburgh. >> pittsburgh is awesome. >> jimmy: did you have fun? oh, really? >> pittsburgh is so awesome. >> jimmy: it's cool, right? >> everyone's super friendly, and -- >> jimmy: did you eat a primanti brothers sandwiches? >> i ate at primanti brothers. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: yeah! have you been there before? it's so rad. >> it's so rad. >> jimmy: they put -- what do they put on it? french fries? >> so you get, like, a whole sandwich, and then, as if that's not enough, you get the fries on top as part of the bite. >> jimmy: in the sandwich and

then squash it down, and then that's the sandwich -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: and if you make one change at all, like "just a little," they throw you out. [ laughter ] >> mm-hmm. no, no, you can't. >> jimmy: they go, "get out." >> you can't. >> jimmy: i go, "can i have mine with no --" and then, i'm in handcuffs. [ light laughter ] did you go see -- did you see some warhol? >> i did. i did go. >> jimmy: he's from pittsburgh. >> yes. >> jimmy: you have an little edie sedgwick-y type of thing to you. >> that's the biggest compliment -- i've, like, ever received. >> jimmy: really? >> i love edie sedgwick. >> jimmy: really? well, i see that a little bit of her you in. but this movie is based on a popular book. >> yes. >> jimmy: you have a trend with you. >> i do, though. >> jimmy: 'cause, yeah, you did the "harry potter." a few people have read that book as well. but this one has a cult following as well. >> it does. it -- it has a really -- the people who identify with this book are very, very, very passionate about the book. and i didn't -- i hadn't heard of it before i took on the role. i read the script, and then i read the book afterwards. but, now, i fully get it. >> jimmy: do you want to explain what it's about to everybody? >> yeah. so the book is about a boy called charlie, and charlie is

this kind of amazing boy. he's so nonjudgmental. he's such a sweet guy. and he gets thrown into high school and just gets -- >> jimmy: run over. >> yeah. just run over basically. bambi in the headlights. and then, he just -- luckily, he meets sam and patrick who kind of are the friends that help him through his troubled time and through high school. and yeah, it's kind of like -- >> jimmy: they discover music together and they just -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: it's just -- it's kind of a coming of age. >> exactly. >> jimmy: it's almost like "breakfast club" of our -- that's was when your parents were born. [ laughter ] the "breakfast club" deal. but it's kind of, like, a "breakfast club"-ish -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: --of our generation. i'm so excited to see this movie. >> yay. >> jimmy: this clip is you guys all driving in trucks discovering the song "heroes" by david bowie. >> yes. >> jimmy: "the perks of being a wallflower." here's emma watson. ♪ >> what is she doing? >> don't worry. she does it all the time.

>> turn it up! >> got it, your highness. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how much fun was that? that looks fun. i cannot wait for this. >> seriously, seriously fun. >> jimmy: more with emma watson when we get back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are hanging out with emma watson. and we just saw some footage of her at dance rehearsal for her movie, "the perks of being a wallflower." you got some good moves there. >> well, thanks. >> jimmy: now, what -- is it

tough to learn those dances? could you teach me those dances? >> yeah. for sure. >> jimmy: could you? >> are you down? >> jimmy: let's go. you teach me -- i'll do it! [ cheers and applause ] i don't care. what do we do? do we know -- >> we are doing this. we're doing this. okay, great. well, okay. so, the first move is kind of like from dancing -- like "singin' in the rain," so we do a little, like -- a little kick out to the side. you can bring in some jazz hands. [ light laughter ] and -- okay. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's pretty good. >> okay. and then this one's great. this is from "grease." so, i'm going to need you to get down on one knee. >> jimmy: okay, yeah. [ light laughter ] and we've known each other two seconds. [ laughter ] >> so, i'm going to slap you this way. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. [ laughter ] >> then i'm going to slap you the other way. and then you're gonna get up. and then you're gonna follow me. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> and then, i'm going to push you back. >> jimmy: okay, yeah.

oh, yeah. yeah. i know exactly. [ laughter ] [ as danny zuko ] "she's like -- can't even believe it. it's so crazy over here." [ laughter ] "that's so crazy, right? all right. one knee, right." here we go. >> tell me about it, stud. okay. ♪ want to do it again? >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> ready? >> jimmy: yeah. >> okay, go now. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's good. all right. that was a good one. yeah. >> and then we have -- let's do one more. >> jimmy: all right. one more. here we go. >> so, this is -- you ready for this? >> jimmy: i don't know. [ laughter ] so far, so good. >> okay. so, we're going do the "dirty dancing" lift. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. this is big. [ laughter ] >> so, you're going to stay there. >> jimmy: i hope -- >> i'm going to go over here. >> jimmy: i hope i don't drop you. [ laughter ] oh, payback is so fun. [ laughter and applause ] >> okay.

so, i'm gonna run and you're gonna put your arms around me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then, you're gonna twist. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i'm gonna -- it's gonna be beautiful. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. [ light laughter ] >> all right. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on. is she not the best? emma watson! "the perks of being a wallflower" opens in new york and l.a. september 21st. tony danza joins us after the break. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is one of the greatest guys around. you know him from long-running tv shows like "taxi," my favorite. and "who's the boss?" he's also a -- [ cheers ] i know. we love -- great, too. he's also a talented musician and stage performer. he's written a new book called "i'd like to apologize to every teacher i've ever had." [ light laughter ] please welcome to the show a legend. here's tony danza, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. that's what i'm talking about.

tony danza. >> holy -- >> jimmy: what -- thank you so much for coming on. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: you know i'm a giant fan of yours. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: i mean, what a career. sitcom star, broadway, musician and now author. >> i'm an author. >> jimmy: you're an author. >> how about that? >> jimmy: does that feel good? you're in the library of congress right now. >> well, i don't know if i'm that far. but i feel good about it. i wrote a book. it's the craziest thing. you know that book about writing? >> jimmy: yeah. >> first, you fix the refrigerator. you know, you will do anything before you sit down and actually write, so -- >> jimmy: yeah, you don't -- >> pretty cool. >> jimmy: well, it's not easy to do -- >> not easy, but i -- you know. >> jimmy: but this is a very interesting story. you kind of paused your career. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you took -- was it a year off? >> yeah. 'cause i wanted actually to do more than that, but it's hard. after i got -- after a year, i was like, "yeah, that's enough." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, but you took a year off to go teach at a high school, a public high school. >> public high school in philadelphia, northeast high. look. >> jimmy: representing. [ cheers and applause ] there it is. northeast high in philly. >> any vikings in the house? any vikings? >> jimmy: why at that high school?

>> it's a comprehensive high school, jimmy. i mean, it's real inner city high school. over 3,000 kids, wonderful place. 50 languages spoken in the school. you know, everything from magnet to special ed. just a real snapshot of american public education. >> jimmy: and you always wanted to be a teacher? >> i went to school to be a teacher. i wanted to be a teacher. and then when i got out of college, i said, "i'm too young to teach anybody anything." and i went on my way, and then, it's been on my mind. and as i was closing in on the bad age -- well, not a bad age, but 60, i was thinking -- it's over the speed limit, 60. [ laughter ] so i decided i wanted to do something. i wanted to, you know, see -- and i'm worried about -- i'm really kind of worried about the education system in our country. we can't drop out as many kids as we're dropping out and to expect to sustain a great country. we just can't do it. >> jimmy: we do. we have a lot of dropouts. yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] good for you. do you have any stats?

any stats on those things? any numbers? >> well, yeah. i mean, it's crazy. i heard a stat yesterday that drove me crazy. if you have two parents who didn't go to high school and you live in england, you have a 60% chance of attending college. if you have two parents who didn't go to high school and you live in america, you have a 29% chance of going to college. i mean, it's just crazy. i mean, it's like we're just letting this a go. and to me, it's a national security issue. i mean, you can't -- how do you sustain the country? how do you -- where do you get the soldiers? where do you get the workers? right now, there's 3 million jobs that are going unfilled because we don't have the people -- we don't have the skills. and so to me, there's only one way to solve this. that is, we got to convince the kids. you know, 'cause they got formidable. they really have some legitimate obstacles, these kids, whether it be poverty, whether it be bad schools, whether it be bad teachers even. but in spite of that, they have to understand that it's a different world that they're living in.

and if this is their life, this is the school and this is the part that really is going to, you know, make the rest of it either bad or good. >> jimmy: got to figure it out. kinda grow up and be smarter than the adults. >> we can't want it more for them than they want it for themselves. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it's that kind of thing. >> jimmy: well, how is tony danza as a teacher? >> well, at first, i stunk on ice. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: stunk on ice. >> i stunk on ice. yeah, no, i was bad. i talked too much. you know, i thought the way to do it was, you know, i'd tell them. i'd entertain. >> jimmy: yeah, you're a celebrity. you're going to walk in -- >> you got to let them learn. they got to do themselves. it's called collaborative learning. collaborative teaching. yeah, it's great. and i -- but i wasn't bad. eventually, i got it, i think. by the way, i have no right really. i mean, you know, i did a year. it's no small task, believe me. and i mean, the reason i entitled the book "i'd like to apologize to every teacher i ever had" is not only because i was a bad student, but because, i mean, it is a tough job. oh, man. >> jimmy: it's the toughest out there. and underpaid and everything.

>> you know, nobody goes into it to be rich. they go into it for a calling. it's like this noble profession. you got these kids' futures in your hands and it's really important to people. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i had a guy -- just to give you an example, i did a year. and people say, "wow, you did a year." and it's no small feat, 181 days. [ laughter ] not that i'm counting. no, i'm not kidding. but there's a teach there who told me he was returning for his 37th year. i said, "why are you coming back?" he said, "because maybe this year, i'll get it right." so, i mean, that's the kind of commitment you see. you see that kind of need. and that's what i -- let me tell you one story. a real story. this is my -- this is my -- [ laughter ] i'm sorry. >> jimmy: i can just get out of here. i mean -- [ laughter ] that's why i have a talk show so that people can talk. i love you. >> i thought you want wanted me to talk. >> jimmy: i do. that's why i have you on. yeah. please. [ laughter ] nobody wants to hear me talk. trust me. have you seen the monologue? yeah. [ laughter ] >> it was good today. >> jimmy: yeah. it was all right. >> yeah. you know.

this is the -- this is the psa i want to do. this is the psa. so i gave one detention. i gave one detention to a girl. she drove me crazy. she was really smart. some days she was great. some days, she was like -- she didn't want to be bothered. and the other kids were saying, "come on, grow some balls. give her a detention." 'cause the good kids need to know the bad kids will get punished. you know what i mean? so, i finally gave hear detention. and by the way, i didn't know that when i give a detention, i had to be there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you gave yourself a detention. [ laughter ] >> i thought they went to some detention place. what i do know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: like a bunker down under the high school. >> so i met her. she came to detention in the morning, and i said to her -- you know, i said, "hey, charmaine, how long -- how long do you think you're going to be in school?" and she went, "ugh, forever." [ laughter ] i said, "no, charmaine. here's your life. here's your life. and you only get one life." believe me, kids, you only get one, one life. "and this much is school.

and so if you -- you don't want to be out here looking back like me saying, 'geez, i wish i would have done better.'" you know what i mean? so that's all it's about. you got to really change the mindset. >> jimmy: i like that. that's exactly right. [ cheers and applause ] now, you know i love you, and i was talking to you backstage. and i know you're a talented musician. >> well, i'm not. >> jimmy: i just learned this -- >> don't say that in front of those guys. >> jimmy: i know. can't say it in front of the roots. no, but still -- i found out that you played the ukulele. >> yes, i do play ukelele. >> jimmy: so i brought a ukulele. [ laughter ] and i was wondering -- come on. you want to do -- if you do it, i'll sing with you. >> oh, well then. >> jimmy: think of something. >> oh, let's see. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: is it in tune? >> yes. yeah. ♪ my dog has fleas [ laughter ] >> this is actually a flea. a jim beloff flea. okay, so -- how about -- ♪ ♪ five foot two eyes of blue oh what those blue eyes can do ♪ ♪ anybody seen my gal

♪ turned down hose turned up nose never had no other beaus anybody seen my gal ♪ ♪ now if you rendezvous five foot two covered in fur ♪ ♪ diamond ring all those things bet your life it isn't her ♪ ♪ ♪ anybody seen my anybody seen my anybody seen my gal ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's my man. the best. tony danza! check out tony's new book. [ cheers and applause ] chef michael symon joins us after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a talented, talented chef whose new book, "carnivore," comes out october 16th. you can also see him on "symon's suppers", which airs thursdays at 9:30 p.m. on the cooking channel. please welcome my friend, chef michael symon, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: all right, what do we got? >> well, i'm going to start you out with a cocktail to kind of -- >> jimmy: oh, you're a good man. >> -- loosen you up a little bit. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. please. so what do we do? >> so, this is --i call it a gingersnap -- >> jimmy: all right. >> you know, it's a good, manly drink when you're about to have a little bit of pork. >> jimmy: so, is that what we're doing? [ laughter ] >> a little bit of ice. a little bit of ice. it doesn't sound manly. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> but it is manly. >> jimmy: i always need a few drinks before i get a little pork. >> bourbon. [ laughter ] i tried to give it to you. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: i know that, yeah. thank god security was there, yeah. >> all right. ginger beer. >> jimmy: ginger beer. okay, good. >> ginger syrup. this is a ginger simple syrup. >> jimmy: okay, good. just sugar boiled with water -- >> sugar, water and ginger, equal parts. >> jimmy: okay, lovely. >> that goes in there. >> jimmy: yup. >> we're going to give this -- you want to shake it? >> jimmy: sure, of course. >> i mean, i'm gonna give you some pork -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. okay, all right. here we go. so, i'm shaking this dude up. >> and then, you pour it right in here with these pickled cherries. >> jimmy: now, what do you mean, pickled cherries? >> well, i pickled cherries some cherries, but you can use maraschino cherries, too. so, -- >> jimmy: well, i probably would, right? a pickled cherry. does it taste weird? >> no! >> jimmy: did you ruin the drink? >> come on now. cheers. >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. >> delicious, right? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. now, your book -- [ laughter ] your book, "carnivore" -- my hair's gonna look like -- in a second. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't have -- here we go. now look, hey, "carnivore." >> yeah. >> jimmy: look at this. "carnivore." you love meat. >> i do love meat. >> jimmy: yeah, what is your favorite type of meat? >> pork. >> jimmy: you do like the pork. [ laughter ] >> pork is the -- pork is the

king of meat. >> jimmy: you love -- >> the hog is a magical animal. it is a magical animal. >> jimmy: now, you're getting weird. >> no! come on. >> jimmy: kids at home going, "he's so right, man." [ laughter ] "i've been saying that all night." >> bacon. >> jimmy: yeah. >> ribs. >> jimmy: yeah. >> ham. >> jimmy: yeah, you're right. >> pulled pork. everything. >> jimmy: yeah. >> everything on the -- >> jimmy: you have a tattoo of -- >> i do. right by my heart. look. >> jimmy: look at this. >> oh. [ laughter ] didn't want to show nipple. >> jimmy: we just had a wardrobe malfunction. >> wardrobe malfunction. >> jimmy: yeah, janet jackson -- this is the same thing. [ laughter ] i saw this go down once. >> they are never gonna invite me to dance at the super bowl. [ laughter ] it's, like -- >> jimmy: what do we rock now? how do we do this? >> all right. so, look. this is the pork belly and, like, the ribs kind of from here to here, all the way around. >> jimmy: okay. i've never seen this much. >> we took out the -- it is just -- this is bacon before it is smoked and cured. >> jimmy: really? >> so, this is raw bacon. makes me so happy. >> jimmy: look how excited you are about that. [ cheers ] >> so -- >> jimmy: all right. >> we're going to mix up pancetta, chili flakes, capers, onions, a little bit of orange and lime zest and some garlic.

and we just puree it all together till we get this beautiful paste. >> jimmy: okay, good. and pancetta is italian bacon? >> it is unsmoked, but cured bacon. >> jimmy: so, we're putting bacon on bacon. >> we are putting bacon -- >> jimmy: that's america right there, you guys! [ cheers and applause ] that is america. >> that's america. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and a little bit of rosemary and parsley. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. rosemary and parsley, if you need it. >> if you need it. all right, so -- >> jimmy: i like bacon on bacon. all right, put that dude in there. >> massage it in, jimmy. get in there. >> jimmy: smack it, flip it and rub it down? >> get dirty. yeah, get dirty. [ laughter ] massage it in. >> jimmy: there we go right there. this is good. is this good? >> yp. >> jimmy: all right, i'm doing good right here. >> you're doing good. now, watch -- >> jimmy: thank you, my friend. i know you're being nice. [ light laughter ] >> i want --i want you to tie it up in a moment, so could you hold this? >> jimmy: oh, oh, yeah, sorry about that. okay, good. >> okay --so look. watch what we do here. we just take this beautiful hunk of -- >> jimmy: yeah, i mean, look at this. dude, people are freaking out. >> -- and we roll it up. [ laughter ] we roll it up. >> jimmy: i mean, yeah. i mean, dude, look at this. if you showed up at a barbecue with this dude -- >> oh, my god. or a tailgate. are you kidding me? >> jimmy: they would carry you out on their on shoulders, and be like, "you are a king." [ laughter ]

>> have you ever tied up a piece of meat this large? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, i -- [ cheers and applause ] >> you did? >> jimmy: once in pittsburgh. yeah, i don't want to talk about. [ laughter ] a long time ago. >> they do that in pittsburgh. i'm from cleveland. we don't do that. >> jimmy: i gotcha. >> you know how they put some coleslaw and fries on your sandwich? >> jimmy: yeah. >> they think they can do anything. >> jimmy: yeah -- anything. all right. >> all right. so, you tie this whole thing off. you don't -- >> jimmy: no, i like to do it with my hands out like this -- no, all right, good. >> tie it tight. >> jimmy: tighter, three ties. just normal -- you get baking string or whatever that's called. >> yeah. any kind of twine, yes. >> jimmy: butcher string. >> yes. >> jimmy: twine. >> butcher twine. >> jimmy: yeah. and then, look at this -- >> we put this in -- we put this in a 350-degree oven for two hours. >> jimmy: 350 -- yeah, i always go to that one. >> then we turn it to 400 for another hour and a half till you get this beautiful -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: 350, everything. frozen pizza, 350. everything is 350. [ laughter ] wait, look at that. pork rinds -- >> this is the skin. come on. no, i mean, come on. [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: it's unbelievable. oh, my god. i wish could i give it to everybody right now. [ cheers ] everyone's going home with a pork butt! [ cheers and applause ] >> all right. >> jimmy: chef michael symon -- >> -- some of the meat. >> jimmy: i love you. >> come on. >> jimmy: i don't want to talk

with my mouth full. >> no, it's okay. >> jimmy: i love -- michael symon -- "carnivore" is in stores october 16th! [ cheers and applause ] i love you, buddy. >> i love you, too, buddy. >> jimmy: happy birthday, by the way. >> happy birthday. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to emma watson, tony danza, michael symon and the greatest band in late night, the roots! [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for carson daly! thank you for watching! have a great night! hope to see you tomorrow! bye-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪